Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Those Days



I can’t tell you how difficult it is to become a mother…

I have dabbled in customer service, and sales and marketing. I have handled one, two, even fifty-four people at a time. When I was two months pregnant, I left my job to become what I always wanted to be, but nothing prepared me for my role as a mum.

I cannot measure how difficult it is, but I can tell you how it is like for me everyday.

How getting a toilet break is hard when the baby refuses to be put down; how I become so hungry and when I get a crack in time to do so, he cries again and looks for me; how five minutes can be both long and short; how I have kept myself awake while the baby latches on me because I was afraid he might choke if I fall asleep; how I wake up in the middle of the night to change diapers and then I get peed or pooped on…

How he cries and cries, and I carry him. And he cries. And I sit with him. And he cries. And I lie down with him. And he still cries. I had been tired, so many times and I did not know what to do.

Yesterday, Khale cried so much because he pooped. He had not been pooping regularly, so it’s really such a big surprise to my husband (who washes the cloth diapers) when he does. I prepped him for clean up; and he kept wiggling and stretching that he ended up having poop on his feet, legs and my hand.

I ran frantically to prepare because he needed a bath again. He cried inconsolably. He screamed. It was loud enough for a few neighbors on the lower floors to hear. I prayed the water would heat up faster. I sang to him, talked to him, but he cried in a way that sounded like I had betrayed him.

I cannot tell you how emotionally painful this nappy change had been.

It’s hard to become a mother on moments like these. Suddenly, I was just human like everybody else. Tired. Weary. Sleepless.

But then I carried him again after the little battle we had. And I swayed to a sound only me and Khale could hear. And he calmed down. I sat down. He placed his head between my breasts, closed his eyes, spread his arms, and hugged me.

I looked at him and I smiled.


And in that moment, I became a mother again.

38 comments:

  1. Such a nice story; and pretty much the same situation I have here. Totally agree with the five minutes being too long or otherwise. Plus you seldom brush your hair so I always have a small comb inside the bathroom and brush my hair after each quick dip. But at the end of the day, though challenging, life is worth living because there's a cute little munchkin ready to pinch your nose and face again as you sleep side by side.

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    1. 5 minutes is short when you sleep. And then it's long enough when you eat. Lol.

      I used to have long hair. And then I chopped it off when my son discovered he can pull it. :) plus low maintenance, since we hardly brush our hair anymore.

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  2. awww. being a mother is indeed a blessing. having a little creature that makes us feel warm amidst cold is a greater blessing.

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  3. You are inspiring :) Being a mom means we have to deal with a lot of roles, but despite the challenges, the rewards of becoming a mother is a feeling beyond blessed.. :)

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  4. This describes my everyday during the first few months save from cloth diapers ( we got into it just recently).I hope you recognize your efforts as a mother and take time for yourself as well.Kudos and hang in there!

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  5. I've always felt that the early stages of motherhood are easier to survive when you are able to relish in small victories. Your post is exactly what I mean by that. You're doing a great job, mommy! :)

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  6. So true! Nothing can be more challenging yet more rewarding than being a mother. You're doing great, keep at it! :)

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  7. awww.. I love this. I was in the same situation when my daughter was born, but I love EVERY moment of it <3

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    1. Thank you! May we continue to love the moments as they grow. :)

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  8. Not all women are patient enough and were born to be moms like most of us. But I believe, our role is still the most noble among all.

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    1. This. It's a whole new level of skill set to become a mother.

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  9. Grabe. I know the feeling. Thank you for sharing this wonderful post. It really is draining to be a mom ---- but nothing can compare to it.

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  10. I cried (again) upon reading this. I'm going through this now with Riley, she cries as loud as she can during diaper time and it's something new to me--us because Franz was never like this.

    At least now I know I'm not alone in this scenario, that it's okay if the cry of my child could wake up our neighbors because in the end, i'd be looking forward to that little hug when I sway her to sleep.

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    1. Hugs ferry. :) after all, we are moms. We are capable of doing and being so much more.

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  11. Truly being a mother is a hardest job but the most fulfilling duty in the world. I'm lucky that I have my mother who can guide me and when I'm super tired she helps me. What you are feeling right now is only temporary. After a few months, your baby will laugh and giggle with you and no more drama or crying.

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    1. So lucky. :) my mum and dad came to help out for 3 weeks and I missed them so badly when they left. I still send mum messages from time to time to ask for mothering help. :)

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  12. I feel you dear. After all the "mommy struggles" we had, it goes away everytime our little one smile. Every pain, every sleepless nights, are all worth it. Cheers to us mommies!

    Mhaan <3 | Mommy Rockin' In Style Blog

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    1. Truly worth it. Gosh. A few months ago my son needed me just to sleep. After sometime, he fell asleep without me. Truly heartbreaking and a happy moment all at the same time. Bilis maging independent. Lol

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  13. Aw this is so true! I feel you sis, being a mom is the hardest things but it's a blessings for us, sometimes we failed we cry, we want to give-up but our kid will give us the greatest joy :)

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    1. Sabi nga "This, too, shall pass." Yung give up na give up na ko when he's inconsolable in the middle of the night tapos pag gising ko, ok naman na uli. Haha. :)

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  14. few year from here, matatawa ka na lang sa mga napag daanan mo and you'll tease your baby about those things. Same experience ko din with my 1st born and now he's 13, tawang tawa sya how clingy he was when he was a baby :)

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    1. Can't wait to tell my little one all the things he did as a baby. But I can't imagine him being a young man na. Hahaha.

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  15. I am a first time mom and I can relate on those mommy struggles, and now I can say that being a mother is indeed the toughest job of all.

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  16. I know the feeling. Being a mom is the hardest among all the roles I played. Sometimes, i just want to give up but seeing my kids sleep peacefully in my arms, I know everything is worth it. Hold on momma :)

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    1. Always worth it. I just tell myself that it's just a phase. True enough, after a few tears, everything goes back to a-ok. :)

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  17. Many moments like that when you feel soooo tired and want to give up and then they show you just how much they love you out of the blue. I have teens and I have to share that it doesn't get easier. It gets easier in some ways and so much harder in other ways but being a mother isn't something I'd trade anything for.

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    1. I believe you. Isn't motherhood such a bunch of paradoxes? :) I'm always half-hearted when my baby achieves milestones. Half happy and then sad because I know that every milestone is one step closet to independence.

      I can imagine having teens. They used to be such little babes needing you 24/7 and then now, you're at a point where you start to worry when they have projects to do at classmate's house. :)

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  18. We all have moments like this. What I learned from experience is just to calm down (easier said than done) and swaddle her when she cries

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    1. That's what I tell my husband! Lol. After almost 8 months, I've learned to keep calm na. My husband rarely hears the really realy loud cries midday. When he does, he becomes a total wreck. :) I find that women are so great with multitasking. We can still think straight amid cries.

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  19. Awww...I am a first-time mom, too and I know how you feel. *hugs*

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  20. I went through the same experience with my first born and now after 7 years gap I’m relearning and experiencing it again like for the first time, this time with my 7 month old daughter. I fell you sis.

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    1. Wow! :) I think everytime we give birth, it's always a new experience.

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  21. This is so heartfelt! Makes me both excited and terrified when my little ones come out.

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    1. Oh my gosh! How far along are you? :) both feelings are so real. I always think about how I was pregnant a few months ago and now the baby’s just so big.

      I hope you'll have a safe and healthy delivery.

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